Jeremy #Corbyn Announced as Patron Of New #Labour Dining Club


A new dining club was inaugurated at the House of Commons early on the evening of Monday 3rd April 2017.

The club, hereinafter known as the Foot in Mouth Club, plans to meet every Monday evening at 17:00 whilst Parliament is sitting.

Newly appointed Life President of the Foot in Mouthers, Baroness Chakrabarti, says it will comfortably fill a Monday evening gap in her weekly social calendar.

Baroness Chakrabarti said, “I quite often feel at a loose end early on Monday evenings as do many of my friends in the Labour Party.”

Fellow Foot in Mouther, Richard Burgon, was understood to be disappointed to learn that the club will not be dining out at a Tesco supermarket café.

Baroness Chakrabarti vetoed the idea, after being revived with smelling salts, following an enervating PowerPoint presentation on supermarket cafés by Burgon.

Diane Abbott seconded Chakrabarti’s veto.  Abbott feels her constituents would understand her being in favour of supermarket cafés in principle, but would appreciate her not using them in practice.  In the same way, she says, as they understand her opposing private schools, whilst sending her children to them.

“I am,” Abbott says, “not so much dining for myself as on behalf of the people of Hackney.  And, as regular viewers of the Daily Politics know, the people of Hackney deserve nothing, but the best.”

Foot in Mouth patron, and inspiration for the dining club, Jeremy Corbyn says attending its dinners has now become the priority for him on Monday evenings.

Current members of the Foot in Mouth Club are understood to include Lady Nugee, otherwise known as Colonel Emily Thornberry; Kate Osamor; Dawn Butler; Richard (miffed at not being Life President) Burgon; any past or present member of Labour’s Communications Team, appointed by Seumas Milne; a select group of staffers, past or present, from Corbyn’s own office; Jon Trickett; Seb Corbyn; John McDonnell; Paul Mason …

Len McCluskey, Ken Livingstone and George Galloway have, for now, all declined invitations to join the club.

Clive Lewis is in two minds as to whether or not to join the Foot in Mouth Club.

According to a senior Labour source, Angela Rayner prefers to be a swot and will continue to attend the unfashionable, Monday evening Parliamentary Labour Party meetings.  These meetings, the source understands, are held every Monday evening when Parliament is sitting.

Any way, the source said, Rayner would probably be at a disadvantage dining with the club, given her working class background.  I gather, the source continued, Angela is more at home in works canteens or, if I get the vernacular right, down the chippie with her mates.  You know, people like Jess Phillips.

I have, though, been told, the source remarked, some fish and chip shops have exotic items, like guacamole, on the menu, but then again, that may just be an urban myth.

As we went to press, Richard Burgon was insisting that serious consideration is being given to his suggestion that the Foot in Mouth Club’s logo should be a Scotch Egg.


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