Jeremy Corbyn’s A Lifetime of Ligging on the Left is the gripping autobiography of a self confessed humble man …

Standard

Jeremy Corbyn’s A Lifetime of Ligging on the Left is the gripping tale of a self confessed humble man, who’s spent 38 years of his life being paid handsomely to simply polish, with his bottom, a seat on the backbenches of the House of Commons.

That’s half his life, not half his adult life.

You will cry as you learn of Jeremy Corbyn’s early years in the slums of Kington St Michael in Wiltshire, you will despair over his family’s enforced move to Yew Tree Manor in Chetwynd Aston and you will marvel at how he has endured for so long the living hell that is Islington.

You will empathise with Jeremy Corbyn’s approach to the important and responsible job he never wanted.

“I find if you’re in an office, the crisis finds you. If you’re not in the office, the crisis finds somebody else.”

He was made Labour leader against his inclinations.

You will share Jeremy Corbyn’s indignation at being forced into the position of Labour leader so that other lesser men might advance their political ambitions at his expense.

“I did not seek, and I said I would not accept, the nomination of my party to become its leader. It was Milne made me do it,” insists Jeremy Corbyn.

Jeremy Corbyn has, throughout his life felt he was at the mercy of malign forces over which he had no control. He asserts that the hand of Israel repeatedly materialised during his A Level exams, forcing him to write poor answers to the questions on the set papers.

And Jeremy Corbyn is adamant that Israel only launched the Six Day War to make it harder for him to revise for his examinations.

Jeremy Corbyn is confident that he could have been a contender. He could have been somebody, if it hadn’t been for these mysterious powers dogging his every step throughout his life.

Jeremy Corbyn says, “I see no reason to apologise for anything that has happened in my life, because nothing that has occurred has been a result of anything, but the actions of others over whom I have no control.”

“I do admit to being wrong once over the issue of fracking.”

A key question posed in Jeremy Corbyn, A Lifetime of Ligging on the Left is whether or not Piers might have done more to help his brother.

“He was my brother, Piers, he should have looked out for me a little bit. He should have taken care of me just a tad to steer me away from the likes of the IRA, Islamic terrorist groups, anti-Semites and John McDonnell.”

Does Jeremy Corbyn spill the beans in A Lifetime of Ligging on the Left as to how he earnt the sobriquet of the Red Hot Trot?

Does he speak openly and without regret of his failed marriages and neglected children?

And did Jeremy Corbyn ‘accidentally’ expose Diane Abbott to the gaze of fellow party activists as they entered his bedroom, the morning after the night before, looking for leaflets?

Had Jeremy, in fact, scored, with a black chick and didn’t care less who knew?

The answers to these and many other questions may or may not be discovered between the covers of Jeremy Corbyn’s A Lifetime of Ligging on the Left.

You will need to buy the book and risk your sanity to find out …

As you plough through Jeremy Corbyn’s A Lifetime of Ligging on the Left, desperately fighting off narcolepsy as you do so, you’ll marvel at how such a rather unremarkable, awfully mediocre male, who was born into an affluent, white middle class family in 1949 rose so high.

Surely, you’ll ask yourself, Jeremy Corbyn’s the exception not the rule?

Then you’ll look up from your labours and see Boris Johnson’s face on the tv.

Coming soon to a remainder bin near you, Boris Johnson, A Lifetime of Ligging on the Right (and in the Spectator, the Telegraph, the London Mayor’s Office, Number Ten) …

2 thoughts on “Jeremy Corbyn’s A Lifetime of Ligging on the Left is the gripping autobiography of a self confessed humble man …

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s