“Name’s Mordaunt, Sooty, sorry, PM, Penelope Mordaunt, acting Sub-Lieutenant, Royal Naval Reserve; MoS, DIT.” “I’ve a 1,000 yard vacant stare. And I’m not afraid to use it.” “And I’ve an ego to match that of Lord Frost.” “Abracadabra!”


Right Honourable Penelope Mordaunt, Member of Parliament for Portsmouth North

“Hello Atlanta! Lovely to be here in Florida! State of Snowbirds, Sunbirds, and Stayers!”

“Anyone want a Stannah Stairlifts concession?”

“I hope you enjoy your rubber chicken. $20 for members and $30 for non members.”

“You’d have to pay a hell lot more for lunch with me back in Good Old Blighty.”

“Got any gum, chums?”

A luncheon: With the Right Honourable Penny Mordaunt MP, Minister of State for Trade Policy at the Carter Center’s Cyprus Room.

The Minister will discuss not only the trade and trade policy position of the United Kingdom following its departure from the EU, but also the broader mission of the UK as a global force for good. Partnering with the United States, the UK’s independent trade policy can underpin progress in the spheres of defence, security, and diplomacy to achieve outcomes consistent with shared values.

Minister Mordaunt previously served as International Development Secretary from 2017 to 2019 and Defence Secretary in 2019 – a first woman to hold this post. Her speech, followed by moderated audience Q&A, will be part of Minister Mordaunt’s first official trip to the US.

The cost for the in-person luncheon is $20 for Council members, and $30 for non-members.

Trade, Diplomacy, And Defence: The Foundations of British Prosperity

All joking aside …

Mordaunt, Minister of State at the Department for International Trade, is a swivel eyed Brexiteer and infamous Turkophobe.

Mordaunt is the ideal replacement for Lord Frost, who until Saturday 18th December was her counterpart at the Cabinet Office.

“There’ll be no more over manning at DIT on my watch,” said Mordaunt, sardonically.

“I’ll have no man as my peer in this Department.”

“I’m a Walther PPK, 7.65 mm. All the delivery of a brick through a plate-glass window.”

“I take a Brausch silencer with very little reduction in muzzle velocity.”

“The CIA swear they can’t get enough of my British accent!”

“And everyone loves a sailor, Moneypenny …”

Biden needs to get on the Global Britain love train or be left standing in the station as we negotiate trade deals with each of the 50 States of the United States of America, individually.”

Who needs Washington, anyway? We’ve got one of those Oop North, somewhere or other.”

I’m all cock and no ball …”

“Up Pompey!”

And, now, for the epilogue …

UK can’t stop Turkey joining EU!” says Penny Mordaunt.

Vote Leave embroiled in race row over Turkey security threat claims.

Murderers and terrorists from Turkey will head to UK, said Mordaunt.

David Cameron suggests defence minister is lying over Turkey joining EU.

Tory leadership hopeful Penny Mordaunt is humiliated in new Channel 4 Benedict Cumberbatch Brexit drama over Turkey immigration gaffe.

“Boris Johnson has tried to distance himself from controversial claims made by the Vote Leave campaign about Turkey’s attempts to join the EU.

The former foreign secretary was making a speech on Brexit at JCB’s headquarters in Staffordshire when Channel 4 News’s Michael Crick challenged him on his views on immigration.

Crick referred to campaign material put out by Vote Leave ahead of the 2016 referendum which “suggested 80 million Turks would come to this country if we stayed in the EU, which was absurd then and is absurd now”.

Mr Johnson, who was a key figurehead in the Vote Leave campaign, said: “Actually, I didn’t say anything about Turkey in the referendum… I didn’t say a thing about Turkey.”

He added: “Since I made no remarks, I can’t defend them… I didn’t make any remarks about Turkey.”

We’ve checked the record and we don’t think that’s true. There are several examples of Mr Johnson discussing Turkey during the referendum campaign.”

Johnson falsely claims he didn’t say anything about Turkey during referendum

And now for my next trick, I will make your donation to the Tory Party, disappear before your very eyes …

A Conservative Party donor paid for Portsmouth MP Penny Mordaunt to perform a personal magic show for him.

“Ms Mordaunt, who represents Portsmouth North, is due to give a personal magic show to telecoms millionaire Mohamed Amersi, The Sunday Times reported.”

The News, 9th August 2021

“A major Tory party supporter is demanding the repayment of £200,000 in donations after complaining that he was excluded from elite political events and was never given auction prizes he had bid for at fundraising dinners, including breakfast with Boris Johnson.

Telecoms businessman Mohamed Amersi paid £50,000 for membership of Tory donor club the Leader’s Group in December 2020. But he says he was excluded from the invitation list for high-level events last year, and that officials were instructed not to invite him to the party’s winter ball last November.

He says he also paid £150,000 for auction prizes he never received, including the breakfast with the prime minister, a Japanese meal with Jeremy Hunt and a “magical show” by former defence secretary Penny Mordaunt, who once worked as a magician’s assistant.”

Give me back my £200,000, major donor tells Tories

Midshipwoman Mordaunt is a One Nation Conservative?

“If Boris Johnson thinks his posturing following Vladimir Putin’s invasion of Ukraine has distracted the attention of voters and his own MPs from his Partygate lies, he’s about to be rudely disabused of the notion. Mandrake is reliably informed that opposition to him within his own party is coalescing around the trade minister, Penny Mordaunt, a member of the One Nation group of moderate Tories.”

Penny Mordaunt is on “resignation watch”

Honorary First Sea Lord if she makes it to Number Ten?


5 thoughts on ““Name’s Mordaunt, Sooty, sorry, PM, Penelope Mordaunt, acting Sub-Lieutenant, Royal Naval Reserve; MoS, DIT.” “I’ve a 1,000 yard vacant stare. And I’m not afraid to use it.” “And I’ve an ego to match that of Lord Frost.” “Abracadabra!”

  1. Valerie Swales

    Well, this is magisterial. I remember seeing Blair in London April 1996 when he reacted quickly to a demand from an enormous London audience for a London mayor. Same power.

    However, now and again I began to think it was a spoof speech that you had created in your own inimitable way for Keir Starmer! Certainly his speech writers should analyse the sentence construction which folds policy ideas into an emotional web that draws the audience in and takes over their being.


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